Growing Pains

Being human sucks sometimes, in the sense of it’s confusing and intense. We’re told at a very young age that we must grow up and take on full adult responsibilities. It’s normalized to just suck things up and get the job done, and if the going gets rough because it will get rough since this life isn’t meant to be easy, it could be looked at as being a cry baby or immaturity. But maybe 18 really isn’t a mature adult age. In the eyes of the law, yes, but If you think about it, are 18-year-olds really grown? When I look back to me at 18 years old, I see a broken, lost girl who knew herself but didn’t really know how to tap into her capability. A lion in sheep’s clothing following what seemed to be the right path, but it wasn’t my soul’s path. Conforming to society’s idea of success.

And furthermore getting lost in a maze I never unlocked before. I see life hitting me hard with many actualities of what this life really is. Tragedies and trauma from even younger ages but epiphanies of what they really were supposed to mean to me. I also see myself trying to reject reality by overindulging in things that brought me temporary happiness. Whether that be sex, weed, liquor, or material matters like money clothes or stuff that, in reality, was never going to fill that void for me. All of those things seemed fulfilling, but, in hindsight, were fraudulent escapism tools. When you think about it, it’s kinda like wow, all the things that can make you feel good ultimately make you feel bad. And that shit stinks, Life.

“Why everything that supposed to be bad makes me feel so good?” – Kanye West. Knowing me, I’ll put the link below this because that’s the energy I want to discuss in these next few paragraphs. When it is all said and done, moderation is vital, and adjusting to what this life is and acting accordingly will save a lot of people’s sanity, including mine. Another thing about life is, everything is easier said than done. It’s easy to tell someone who is suffering from addiction, whether that be sex addiction, love addiction, drug addiction, social media addiction, etc. To just snap out of it, “focus on your priorities,” but when you don’t understand the type of euphoria it brings, the kind of serotonin and dopamine released. It’s hard to even sympathize with what in your reality seems trivial. It’s easy to say things, but it’s harder to put in the work and do it. Unless that person truly wants to let go of any of their addictions, they won’t. It’s possible because anything is possible, but that feel-good reaction comes rushing back in their memories, and letting it go hurts because maybe reality is not as extraordinary as what they’re abusing.

Letting go from memories seems like something that is also easier said than done. Sometimes when we think about past memories, we only think about the good we don’t think about how that person has hurt us to unforgivable degrees; we just think about when they were extra loving and what made us love them as much as we do. We think about that really lovely high when we couldn’t stop laughing or when music felt so different we don’t think about when we threw up or couldn’t function properly. We think about our first orgasm or just the plenty of times intimacy has brought bliss, we don’t think about that time we were coerced forced or manipulated into performing sexual acts we really didn’t want to perform. Or the feeling of disgust when you realized you were just getting used. Or the feeling of disgust when you realized your partner was not as hygienic as you hoped. Some of these things could bother you as a person; some of these things could be something you could care less about. Some of these things could have happened to you, Some of these things could have not happened to you. And We’re all different, but that doesn’t mean it cannot happen to you.

Although life makes it so that words can come easy and actions to follow those words can be a trial, It does not mean we are not capable. It does not mean we cannot. We are humans, and although our actions on a global scale have given us a bad name slightly, we don’t understand just how powerful we are. Letting go seems to be the cause of a lot of ongoing addictions. Letting go is hard because we want to own those memories; it’s in our subconscious, so why shouldn’t we relive it over and over again? Letting go and lack of self-love, lack of actual knowledge on just how unique our species is. Not only because of the power we hold but the emotions that behold inside of our hearts. To truly let go, we must know that everything we search for externally is already in us.

 

These are the things I’ve seen or experienced all of these things are apart of the human experience. The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

Having to grow up at a young age, even younger than 18 sometimes for personal reasons, is hard. Our brains aren’t yet fully equipped to handle such a chaotic chain of events, life goes by shortly. It just feels long.   In actuality, it is an illusion. Get into a place in life where you are happy content and having fun and watch time suddenly escape in a blink of an eye. Kinda like the drug DMT if you’ve ever heard of it or taken it. It lasts 15 seconds, but it feels like hours. Of course, it’s a drug, so it’s a little different but.. is it? Is life all just a simulation? But I digress. Striving for maturity as a legal adult is ideal, but maturity takes time to fully reach it’s peak, thus the growing pains that accompany it. I have struggled with overthinking and feeling like I should be a full-grown adult and act like one too; when I’m only twenty years old. Putting pressure on myself to figure things out and suck the heartaches up, but it does not make sense, and it is actually very unhealthy to do so. People around my age, the youth, we have to learn to be kind to ourselves to be aware of how life can pass us by but strive to reach a path where it does most positively.

Life is filled with earthquakes. Some small some large some that will rock your world and some that will shake the ground slightly. And although everything is easier said than done, this life is a test. That’s not an opinion; that’s a fact. A test to see what we can handle, a check on our character, an inspection on our soul. To be ready for what’s beyond, we must first deal with the mundane. To be adequately equipped for the mundane, we must first grow, adjust to reality, and accept our pain. Move on and become our own biggest fans in a way where arrogance doesn’t show, but self love surely glows. We must acknowledge our feelings truly heal and keep our heads up high for the next day. Life is what you make it, and it’s so easy to get lost in the negativity but they always say the easiest path isn’t as rewarding as the path that makes you sweat or makes your heart skip a beat, the road less traveled on. Growing pains, it is hard, and it hurts, but in the end, it all works. Choose the path that will bring you to your higher self, the road that connects your body with your soul. “Nobody said it would be easy they just promised it would be worth it.”-Harvey Mackay

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