Dear God

Dear God,

I love you more than anything

Without you everything would be meaningless

I know you hearing and you seeing this

I Apologize on behalf of humanity

They dont see all you do behind the scenes

But i do

And i feel you

And i know you

And i love you.

So i thank you

For saving me time after time

You love me more than i love you

You are THEE divine.

@nocturnalxo

Used To Be

This used to be my time

Nocturnal rhymes

Used to be the vibe

Used to be until i found out it was killin me

Used to be until i found out what was encrypted in me

Used to be

Till i saw the magic formed against me

Used to be

But now i know that this is destiny

Now i know that this is meant to be

Used to be, until i understood divine testimony

Used to be, when i didn’t really understand me

Used to be, but now i do believe in me.

Used to be, but now i dont need thee

Post to be, everything i ever dreamed of

Post to be, i believe in God and me

Post to be, love and divinity

Post to be, understanding the faults in me

Always be learning and growing C.

@nocturnalxo

Scream Hope

I’m not going to scream

I’m not going to cry

I’m going to continue to take things one step at a time

I’m not going to freak out

Anxiety is on its way out

And all I can really say is I do wanna scream and shout! But out of happiness!

After all these years I realized my purpose and i was just masking it

Lost in the sauce of who you thought I was

Whole time I really did have it all along

HOPE

Never lose hope

It may seem cloudy right now but never grab that rope

For life has beauties that we need to experience

It’s not filled with pain

Just heavy but we must maintain

And we must stay sane

In times where we are targeted for our brains

Just a little poetic justice

I dont know about you but i hope you can trust it

As i listen to D nice and ?uest love mix it up

You know how i feel so go out and spread some love

@nocturnalxo

Mirror

Sometimes the reflection can be painful

Sometimes we take things on because we are made to

Sometimes peace of mind is all we need

To know that things will be fine in the in between

Sometimes we react off instinct

Sometimes our dreams do die because we arent listening

Sometimes it hurts to look

But not this time because I’m giving it all it took

Most times the wrong people cling

To the message and hold on to it with bling

To talk is to walk

If i don’t walk the walk how can I talk the talk

If I don’t see the problem

How can I be the solution

I guess that’s the beauty of mystery

Mystery because we are all bruising

To smile through the pain and endure the rain

Means to keep the mirror feeling sane

To meditate not medicate might be my generations biggest struggle

If i gotta be the poster child just know they will end up

charging me with double

But im a soldier i was made from the rubble

Yet my heart beats fast so i gotta slow it down or else im stubble

@nocturnalxo

Untitled

Your eyes they never lie do they

I’ve seen you crying

I’ve been hearing it loud for 2 days

I wanna understand I want to see who’s behind that mask

I wanna see but maybe it is meant to be free

For open interpretation

We grasping for hope because this life looks so fake and

I wanna complain I really do but I think I found the real you

@nocturnalxo

Bleeding Heart

Bleeding Heart

My heart bleeds for the love that I know is unrequited

It’s crazy to feel but fuck it I am ignited

To let go of what I cannot control is my mission

Because if I don’t I start to lose my vision

To remember is something I hope never leaves

I want to remember what it feels like to breathe

To let you go it might seem very selfish

But I had to do it for me

It’s apart of my lesson

@nocturnalxo

Happy Sunday

Sunshine is strictly my mission

To live every day with only one condition

To thank God for the fact that I woke up while other bodies weren’t in that position

To smile every day and train my mind to be grateful that I have risen

I say that because i don’t want to live in a pessimistic prison

Listen! Because the darkness is quick to devour

The darkness can sometimes easily over power

But yes while living in complete reality

As a realist is ideal

I will still try to keep the rose tinted glasses on

That’s how I feel

Because living in misery just feels wrong

Growing with positivity reigning on my soul positivity like the sun that encourages me to continue to grow

Yet still, there is pain and disappointments that can be felt every day

I know it’s a cliche, but that won’t stop me from saying

The sun rises after every long night

Be that sun that gets up after every moonlight

Your psyche determines a lot of things

Determines if you’ll forever see that bad or let freedom ring

Free your mind of the enslavement it can go through sometimes

Let it bring the fertilizer to reign in

Breathe that fresh air and feel that sun because this life ain’t too generous to some

It’s the little things that will continue to keep us going

So don’t stop now because your path is still unfolding

Live in the now

Think with the sun

And walk to the sky

Nothing is impossible in the life we live, so try

@nocturnalxo

The Alchemy of Pain

Growing up without a father left me feeling empty

Searching for things that would fill the void it left me

Searching for things that didn’t accurately align with my purpose

Things that set me back I wonder if it was all on purpose

If I was meant to have to learn from all these lessons

The stress this life gave me also came with many blessings

But when I look back i try to find exactly what made me

The trauma did it made me stronger

Strong to fight with bravery

Strong to fight so nothing on this earth can genuinely phase me

and when I look back, I used to want to be so perfect

Not knowing that the trauma made me grow so I can thirst this

thirst for a purpose that would make me feel so free,

desire for all of the knowledge I could gain in these crooked streetz

I didn’t have a father to teach me the full game

just a lot of family that wanted to and tried to help me gain

higher self-esteem to look at myself positively

let the feeling of it all being my fault go, so I could breathe

that empty feeling, I had to fix within my soul

I couldn’t understand it left me feeling like this life just continues to take tolls

like love was war and that I needed a man

like I could do nothing on my own, and I needed a helping hand

I went through many trials

trials and tribulations

I almost pressed the dial

I almost couldn’t face it

I didn’t understand why my life was such a hit and miss

but then something clicked it took a while, but I began to predict

had visions of a life that I could see

A life that was designed perfectly for you and me

A life where you won’t have to suffer and then die

A life where dreams come true and all I did was open my eyes

because this life cant really be such a grand chore

as long as you work for what you want, there will always be more

I realized that life is really what you make it

I learned after certain trips

that left me stranded in the Himalayas

I’m still not perfect but trust me when I tell you

I do stay growing cause this life will continue to test you

The alchemy of pain is the knowledge that I gained and how its flourishing

The passion that remains, build it up if the pain has left any stains

because something that is true is that we’re here for a short time so just do you

@nocturnalxo

Love Donations

Donations are appreciated but not necessary. If you would like to donate just know it all goes to future creative pursuits and i appreciate any kind of love! Thank you for reading ❤

$1.00

 

Breaking Free

The walls around me were white

My soul felt trapped

airtight

Flashbacks of my first day

Did they really leave me here to stay?

I glanced to my left and then to my right

“You don’t belong here, you better fight”

Voices rang my eyes dropped as low as they can

I did belong, I just wasn’t well

Spirit on low, thoughts that you’ll never know

Visions of what my life could be

Was it true or was it all just a fantasy?

Misconceptions all day

I couldn’t believe I had let this get to my brain

I just wanted to escape but I knew this was my place for the time being

I wrote and wrote and wrote

Until my heart felt less broke

And once It did I looked in the mirror

Reflection looked extremely unfamiliar

Fore I was so used to the sadness

It’s almost as if I had lost all of my balance

But I knew deep down I was there

I just couldn’t see it, I barely cared

It took some time but I recovered

I didn’t lose anything I only uncovered

Deeper layers of myself

Journal writing was my help including God

All I did was write I took that pen as my fight

I’m better now than I was back then

Because I learned how to be my own bestfriend

How to love myself unconditionally

It’s a struggle still but I consistently

Try and try and try

That’s all we can do and sometimes I

Still slip up, I still fall down

As long as I pick myself up for the next time around

I will persevere as long as I stand my ground

As long as I don’t forget and I know my worth

No more tears and no more hurt.

@nocturnalxo

Part I, II & III

 

PT . I

I can only blame myself

 

That’s what makes me wanna scream

 

I don’t regret a thing

 

But I wish I did things differently

 

I can only blame myself

 

I wanna forgive but the memories are still healing

where is my will to live?

Why the hell am I still grieving?

What you did was close to stealing

My sunny go lucky disposition

not only that but after it all i lost all ambition

Dealing with the pain of having a significant other

bite you with his fangs

The pang gave me mental illness

you gave me PTSD when you put your hands on me

I quickly went to blame myself I said

 

I can only blame me

 

And although time heals all wounds

the time has surely shown just how easily I can bruise

 

I still cannot believe that I was watering dead trees

trying so hard to resurrect so many dead things

 

I can only blame myself

 

I saw the bark withering away

 

And still, I decided to continue to give other pieces of me

 

I can only blame myself

 

For not knowing then what I know now

 

The answer was in front of my face so how

 

How did I not see how?

 

you were never meant for me

 

An illusion of what I wanted you to be

 

I can only blame myself

 

And although positivity is a virtue

 

When I look back I think of all the things I didn’t do

 

Not for us but for me

 

I can only blame myself for my current lack of self-esteem

 

PT. II

New-season different reasons

same old numbing pain

I no longer blame myself I know that’s a dangerous game to play

and yet here I am still heartbroken

do I ever learn? am I waiting and watching for my soul to burn?

internally because it seems to me

that I haven’t learned my lessons

so many blessings but disaster is always what I’m left with

Tears fill the echo of the room

It’s noisy and yet the focus is still on us two

Tears that I didn’t mean to drop

Tears that make my heart go nonstop

I try to look away but I still feel your gaze

Embarrassment rushes through my visible veins

I wish I could take that day away

Being vulnerable.

Don’t know if I’ll ever conquer it

My vulnerability makes me feel like

I’m on a never landing sky rocket

Who knew my feelings could run this deep especially after all that was done to me

I sure didn’t and now I can’t sleep

you weren’t the cause of my primary pain and yet I was still able to have you leave a stain

Living rent-free in my brain and it’s pitiful

I brought this energy into the new year and it’s critical

That I end this vicious cycle

Because I’m the one that’s hurting

The heart wants what it wants but I was still a burden

for using my emotions

I may not be right but I know I wasn’t chosen

which is fine I’ve been down this road before

maybe now I can see what I’m genuinely living for

PT. III

There’s more to life

I must move on I must do right

When will I change?

When will I rewrite

The cons of me feeling so incomplete

When will I feel full without someone else to a certain degree

I must be deranged

It all seems so strange

The dream I had was intense but I took it too far

Now I have to pick up my own pieces

A messy galore

Being independent is what I am

But sometimes I wish I could have a helping hand

Enough of that pity party I came in alone

So here I go doing the one thing I know

Being strong moving on

No longer holding on to all the sadness

suppressing things that had to be put into the blackness

into my void, contained all noise

Is it healthy? I don’t know but I do know I’ll get past this

Thank God for expression

I need to learn my lesson

So another sleepless night isn’t spent

If I’m lucky one day I will become my own best friend

@nocturnalxo

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