Falls on me

It all falls on me

Just how you said it wouldnt be

Even tho its not entirely

It still all falls on me

Even though you may catch a thing or two

At the end all of that residue

Falls to my emotions and my mental

It all falls on me

@nocturnalxo

Unconditional Love

From your strongest to your weakest

Ive seen you when you hit your peak and

I dont love you any less

For the time you were down

Thats why i know now

That i know love

From its smiles to its frowns

my love for you never broke in two

And even on the days when you would poke me to

erupt into flames

The love still remains

Family ties hold weight

But even if we weren’t blood related

I know life would still have had us fated

To love one another

What is love?

What is unconditional love?

It is us, it is the upbringing of trust.

@nocturnalxo

Distractions

Distractions

Truth is i don’t feel well

Sleeping in your bed at night gives me chills

Where are you? Will you ever wake up?

I wish i could hug you and tell you to not let up

When we spoke on the phone you opened your eyes

As if my voice brought you back

Much to my surprise

I cant think too much about it because it ruins my mood

So i distract myself so that i don’t think of you.

@nocturnalxo

An Ode To My Great Aunt

Its all hitting me at once

If i knew that was the last time i was going to see you

I would have hugged you harder and reassured my love had only gotten stronger

Even when the disease in your brain took my person away

I never forgot that shred of you that still remained, That shred of you that would take me to the park to play games

As a youngin but now id be frontin’ If i told you i cried when i heard the news

Because now as the decision to pull the plug comes closer

The tears in my eyes seem to flow with more force so

Yeah, Its all hitting me at once.

I prayed and prayed for your well state

From the minute you were diagnosed back in the 7th grade and we took you in to give you a place to stay

But i told God that this life for you is misery

Imagine if you ended up losing your memory

And now i regret it because i feel guilty like it was because of me

Like if i was in that lobby maybe i could have caught you

You told me your time was coming but i lacked to take it seriously

Your Dementia and Alzheimer’s would make you say anything

But i just want you to know that i just want your soul to glow and grow

And if you’ve reached past this mortal humanly ground than i understand if you have to go

Although i wish i could keep you around it still feels selfish somehow

90 summers you’ve lived

so safe travels if you end up with kin in the sky and tell them all that the kid said hi.

@nocturnalxo

Loveeeeee Poem

It felt good

Just to be free

To light trees

And inhale under the covers until the clock hit 3

A sweet escape

How deep the ties were made

Traveling a total of 6 hours to much dismay

But i dont care about what the people say

When im around you all my fears tend to go away

They turn to gray

An astonishing array

And the fantasies seem to fall in place

With reality

And i almost feel like im stuck in gravity

But i know that this odyssey is going to be significant for me

@nocturnalxo

Animosity

The animosity

Is slowly haunting me

Went from super close to you barely talking to me

Was it jealousy? Or even envy?

That built a wedge between you and me?

I dont pretend to be

The picture perfect heavenly

Girl next door like you may be

But the animosity

Feels like its haunting me

Was it my fault?

Could it have been you?

I always had love for you

You know what? i know i still do

Even though your face has switched and you showed me the real you.

@nocturnalxo

Portal

The sky is like a portal

Figures of Swans that glide through the sky because they are immortal

Clouds that show you messages through symbols

Another world indeed

An astral dream to me

Different colors shine for the sun set

As the sun rests a deep blue sky takes over

Different shades of blue happen to spillover

Messages from the angels

Telling us that once we die thats when we live

Giving us hope for the day we crossover and reconnect with our past kids

When we reach the crossroads thats when we’ll meet again

When that deep blue sky turns to a dark shade of colors we cannot comprehend

I still know that you are present and will be there for me when i too must ascend

@nocturnalxo

Insomnia

I aint rest

I aint sleep

Im functioning off 2 hours of sleep

Here i am

Now im not

Im traveling through different realms in my mind

The bags under my eyes look real nice to me

The night sky makes me feel so free

Sleeping during the day

Awake during the night

Nocturnal is what i am, i cannot deny

Tried to fight it

Tried to fix it

But here we are, there is no listening

Goodness gracious, here we are again

Its just like i cant get out my head

Darkness comes and takes me whole at night

Oh my

Oh my

Insomnias got my mind

All night

All night

Insomnia

Has got a hold of my mind

@nocturnalxo

Cry All The Time

She would cry

Cry cry

All the time

Because you left her with 2 kids

And left me with just my mind

I would see the tears fall from her eyes all the time

Because she had a fatherless son and daughter to raise

Because you couldnt find the time so she raged

She would cry

cry cry

All the time

Because you broke her heart in two and she would see the pain transmute into her daughter too

She would cry

Cry cry

All the time

Because everything she asked from you

You gave to another woman who never had to grow your seeds

And that alone just made her heart bleed

I would cry

Cry cry all the time

Because i grew up feeling abandoned by the figure who was never supposed to leave me stranded, supposed to never leave my side

So i would cry

Cry cry all the time

Because i got a taste of what it would have been like to have you around

And you snatched that away

And you let me down

I would cry

Cry cry all the time

Because i had low self esteem because when you left her it felt like you left me

@nocturnalxo

Vulnerable

I stay vulnerable

And its noticeable

I Wear my heart on my sleeve

Have my laundry in the streets

Dirty it seems

Give it up for peace

Since it seems to decrease

The never ending shame that used to eat me

So here i am

Transparent as ever and

I wouldnt want it any other way

Because this is my spirit

It came to lift weights

@nocturnalxo

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