If only

If only i was a healer who could magically heal with my hands

Id take away all your pain

Id even have you get up and dance

If only i was an angel who could have told you it was coming

I would have told you and id make sure it wouldnt become your shortcoming

If only i was a time traveler that could travel to the past

Id cherish those moments, id make them all last

@nocturnalxo

An Ode To My Great Aunt

Its all hitting me at once

If i knew that was the last time i was going to see you

I would have hugged you harder and reassured my love had only gotten stronger

Even when the disease in your brain took my person away

I never forgot that shred of you that still remained, That shred of you that would take me to the park to play games

As a youngin but now id be frontin’ If i told you i cried when i heard the news

Because now as the decision to pull the plug comes closer

The tears in my eyes seem to flow with more force so

Yeah, Its all hitting me at once.

I prayed and prayed for your well state

From the minute you were diagnosed back in the 7th grade and we took you in to give you a place to stay

But i told God that this life for you is misery

Imagine if you ended up losing your memory

And now i regret it because i feel guilty like it was because of me

Like if i was in that lobby maybe i could have caught you

You told me your time was coming but i lacked to take it seriously

Your Dementia and Alzheimer’s would make you say anything

But i just want you to know that i just want your soul to glow and grow

And if you’ve reached past this mortal humanly ground than i understand if you have to go

Although i wish i could keep you around it still feels selfish somehow

90 summers you’ve lived

so safe travels if you end up with kin in the sky and tell them all that the kid said hi.

@nocturnalxo

Animosity

The animosity

Is slowly haunting me

Went from super close to you barely talking to me

Was it jealousy? Or even envy?

That built a wedge between you and me?

I dont pretend to be

The picture perfect heavenly

Girl next door like you may be

But the animosity

Feels like its haunting me

Was it my fault?

Could it have been you?

I always had love for you

You know what? i know i still do

Even though your face has switched and you showed me the real you.

@nocturnalxo

Vulnerable

I stay vulnerable

And its noticeable

I Wear my heart on my sleeve

Have my laundry in the streets

Dirty it seems

Give it up for peace

Since it seems to decrease

The never ending shame that used to eat me

So here i am

Transparent as ever and

I wouldnt want it any other way

Because this is my spirit

It came to lift weights

@nocturnalxo

Sometimes

Sometimes

Sometimes i wish you never put hands on me

Sometimes i wish we were really meant to be

Sometimes i wish things went another way

Instead of the way it led us to today

Sometimes i dont care and im fine

Other times the PTSD blows my mind

Sometimes im good and i feel free

Other times i feel locked in the chamber of my reality

Sometimes i hate you and i know thats how its supposed to be

But the hate eats me alive its a never ending cycle of grief

Sometimes i want to betray myself and go back

Until i snap out of the desperation that i have packed

Most times i dont think about you

Most times i know that you were just another fool

Most times i know that its self harm to think about a time when you and me were warm

@nocturnalxo

Stagnant

When the world stops

And our lives are put to a halt

We look around in hopes that quality time tops

The excessive distraught our life has taken in

Unemployment line gets longer

And the debts get stronger

Until we find a way to maintain

Some cope with drugs

Some sustain with love

Until reality kicks

And life continues to take hits

On the ones we love to bits

If you asked me how 2020 would go

I would say “oh, just like a show.”

But i thought more of good times

Instead of fear factor, times 9.

Living in fear

Low vibrational energy is near

But what can we do

When even the country’s leader is about of the crew

I hope better dayz are near

Till then we pray to lose the fear

@nocturnalxo

Runnin

Gotta catch my breath

Dont make the wrong step

The path to your destiny awaits

But first you gotta stop runnin, take a break.

When you look in the mirror

Do you like what you see or would you rather pull a trigger?

Look into your eyes

Are you really as bad as you depict yourself in your own mind?

Look into your eyes

Are you really content in living in a castle of lies?

Look into your heart.

Stop running you’ve reached a dead end,

Here is your brand new start.

@nocturnalxo

Done Dirty

The wind in the air is left sturdy

Breezing through lies that they buried

Only those eyes know the truth

Dont ever let them lie to you

Water blood dirt fire

Doesnt matter they all get higher

From watching you rise and fall

The best thing you can do is call

The last bit of love you have inside

Its a shame it took you this long to find

Whats been buried in plain sight

Even though i don’t mind i

Feel frozen in place

Because for so long i couldn’t relate

Until i really saw

Your soul it left me in awe

Bluff after bluff thats all they seem to recall

Except your eyes always told the truth it was seen in blurry truth

And now you’re left with the blood on your leaves

What can you do everyone is over it, please!

But the encore never seems to stop

They’re just waiting for your fall

Don’t make it hot.

Oh but they see

And they analyze

Always fail to truly see

That you had it but it was hidden underneath

@nocturnalxo

Used To Be

This used to be my time

Nocturnal rhymes

Used to be the vibe

Used to be until i found out it was killin me

Used to be until i found out what was encrypted in me

Used to be

Till i saw the magic formed against me

Used to be

But now i know that this is destiny

Now i know that this is meant to be

Used to be, until i understood divine testimony

Used to be, when i didn’t really understand me

Used to be, but now i do believe in me.

Used to be, but now i dont need thee

Post to be, everything i ever dreamed of

Post to be, i believe in God and me

Post to be, love and divinity

Post to be, understanding the faults in me

Always be learning and growing C.

@nocturnalxo

Heal The World

It wasn’t our fault

And that’s what we don’t get

I did fall and I fell with many regrets

But now I’m up because I’m finally searching

Searching for my soul

It often felt like i was a burden

The pain is masked so well i forget

The pain i forget is hidden and it scars invisible to my friends

But life is a gift so we must stand tall

Yet sometimes it becomes so easy to fall

Forget about “me” look around you all

Surrounded by clouds

but the river IS flowing

And the trees will still end up growing

How can we be upset if we did not stop showing

How much we do care

For our earth in its time of despair

Although We may not like it

But forever its been unrequited

The love the earth deserves was lost

we stopped being united

So show respect for our home

Without it we are frightened

lets ignite the power of earth

The beauty it holds and show it all of its worth

Once we do that

The air will feel lighter

Once we do that

It’ll be easy to be a fighter

@nocturnalxo

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